Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
