But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
