Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
