When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
