he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
