I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Boobs speak an international language.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
