This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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