This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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