I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I could make wine with my vomit
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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