Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
