we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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