I'm jealous of your bromance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
