he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
