The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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