i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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