K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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