I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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