He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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