I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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