I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize