all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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