i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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