i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
