gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
