i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
