batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
