Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
