Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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