i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
