Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
