At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
