I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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