Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
