guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize