You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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