Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize