Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
