I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
