my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize