i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
