Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize