I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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