"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
