What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
