You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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