Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
