Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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