I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my liver is dry heaving
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
