Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
