Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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