some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
