when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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