i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
