i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize
