Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
