I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
