K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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