its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize