I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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