When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
