Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
