I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize