It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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