woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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