I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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