god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she was so not down for the gang bang
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
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She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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