69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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