Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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