kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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